Wednesday, August 28, 2013

20 Things I Hate about James Altucher

In my Google Plus account I'm following one person.  Do you know who that person is?  It's James Altucher.   Mr. Altucher is known as (well let's go to the Wikipedia page shall we?)

James Altucher is an American hedge fund manager, entrepreneur, and bestselling author.  He has founded or co-founded over 20 companies, including Reset Inc. and StockPickr and claims to have failed at 17 of them. He has published 11 books, and is a frequent contributor to publications including The Financial Times,, TechCrunch, Seeking Alpha and The Huffington Post.

 Altucher also writes an incredibly popular and honest blog called Altucher Confidential In fact it was his blog that inspired mine.   Altucher talks about virtually anything that's on his mind but he mostly sticks to the self help, financial, and entrepreneurial angles.   His advice is helpful and his motivation permeates because of his honesty.  So why the hell do I hate this guy?  Here are 20 reasons why I hate James Altucher.

1.  Every single time I say "Altucher" I think of Serena Altschul from MTV and I forget how the hell you pronounce the guy's last name.
2.  I hate how he can't just bullshit me like everyone else and make me a believer in whatever the hell they're selling.
3.  I can't stand that he actually makes me think about my life and ruminate in the crap instead of pretend that everything is ok.
4.  I hate that he's a morning person because I hate mornings and desperately want to become a morning person.
5.  I hate that he goes to bed by 9pm and my eyes won't shut until at least midnight.
6.  I hate that he failed so much and didn't give up because now I have to try
7.  I hate that he's 11 years older than me thus having more time to let it all sink in.
8.  I hate that he can program code and I can't.
9.  I hate that I'm much better looking than him but not nearly as honest or successful.
10.I hate that he had the guts to quit a life he didn't like
11. I hate that he actually had $15 Million in a bank account and lost all of it
12. I hate seeing him on Yahoo! all lax and chill like everything's gonna be just fine and can help everyone
13.  I hate that I'm wrong about that and he kind of says just the opposite.
14.  I hate how when I'm suicidal I don't really want to kill myself, I just want bad things in my life to die.  He told me that and I hate him for it because I'm still alive and still suffering
15.  I hate that he's passionate about what he does for a living now
16.  I hate that so many have been inspired by him but most won't amount to much because that's generally what the world is made of: people who talk the talk but won't walk the walk
17.  I hate that he got a divorce, lost his house, freaked out and moved 70 miles from a place he loved.
18.  I hate that I now don't want to send my kid to college because I want him to be an entrepreneur like me.  I thought everyone's supposed to go to college!  James screwed me with that notion.
19.  I hate that he only writes on his blog every few days instead of every day.
20.  I hate that I don't even remotely hate James at all.  If there were more honest birds out there like this guy we might just feel a little better about ourselves.

Screw you Altucher.

1 comment:

  1. Great post. I came here wondering what you could possibly hate about a guy like this. Turns out it is basically the same 20 things that I hate about him ;)